Dreams, Rants, & Thoughts

Waking up this morning I wasn’t cognizant nor prepared for all of the epiphanys that would ambush my mind today. I first woke up to my bipolar mother informing me that I should gather my belongings and move out do to the fact that my room was not clean. Her outburst made me realize how much we as humans stress about the smallest most mundane things. Though, I know she was not serious about me moving out, she was only caught up in the moment. “The Moment” is such a strong phrase that has been used in so many different situations with a vast variety of different meanings. “The Moment” could be anything, its a beautifully daunting variable, it could be the happiest or the saddest momet of your life. I love words that leave such an open window for interpretations or use. I realized that we have so many moments in our lives that are substantial to us, but which moments are so powerful we will allow ourselves to get lost in them. People commonly say “I was lost in the moment”, but of course that phrase is used as an exaggerative phrase by most people using it. However, to truly get lost in a moment would be such an enlightening experience. Im not even sure if you can fully lose yourself in a moment with out the assistance from some type of drug. As civilized humans our minds are a thousand different places at once, always theorizing and, memorizing, and prioritizing, it would be near impossible to let all that go if even just for a moment. This is why I propose the idea that drugs may be necessary unless the moment was so extravegant, that nothing else mattered. We could go through our entire lives, never experiencing such a spirtually enlightening, life altering moment, and I believe that is something to fear. We only have one life to live, one shot to achieve that moment, that moment to fully lose yourself in, I would hate to miss it. As we live our lives, sometimes all we want to do is escape ourselves, our thoughts, our habits, and yet when the moment approaches, the moment to finally lose ourselves, we shy away from it. Human nature, would say it’s because we fear the unknown, but not me, I crave nothing more than to lose myself fully. My mind can be awfuly menacing at times. I suppose I only got to one of my epiphanys today, I ramble and get off subject much to often, but many things are occuring to me suddenly. It may be growing up or the fear of growing up, but either way, I’m just waiting for that moment, waiting for the unknown. Tell me what everyone is running away from, show me where everyone is afraid of, because I want to find it, and I want to lose myself there. Anywhere, but here. My moment isnt here, its no where near here.